AMA Leadership Answer - How did you figure out what kind of leader you wanted to be, what was the turning point?
23 Mar 2026
In this moment:
Demi Van Malcot
The turning point was in my previous role back in 2018. I'd had a cycle of : leadership role -> lose confidence from mistakes -> take a contributor role -> get promoted to leadership role -> lose confidence from mistakes -> take a contributor role. That cycle was over a 15 year period.
Whilst I was in my last contributor role as an Automation Test Analyst I'm seeing the same cycle begin again. I'm beginning to influence people in my role, I'm becoming a go to person for not just updates but also general advice on quality. I can see leadership calling me again.
So I looked at myself and thought about my previous leadership roles. What was making me lose confidence?
Whilst I was in my last contributor role as an Automation Test Analyst I'm seeing the same cycle begin again. I'm beginning to influence people in my role, I'm becoming a go to person for not just updates but also general advice on quality. I can see leadership calling me again.
So I looked at myself and thought about my previous leadership roles. What was making me lose confidence?
- I couldn't help everyone in the team, there was always an isolated member I couldn't connect with
- I couldn't make big enough improvements to the outcomes for the team
- I couldn't influence my superiors on changes around quality
There it was staring me in the face..."I". I was taking responsibility for everything, so when things didn't go well or I was struggling I took it very personally. Whilst I and the team thought I was supporting them, I was actually defending them.
So when the opportunity came with this role to get into leadership again, I patiently worked on my mindset to do things differently. I found my principles in the first couple of years:
- I had to help the team take responsibility and be part of the solution. My role is to support them doing that - hands on or off - I go where they need me to
- I have to put their growth before mine. I can tell you now, if you do that, you grow too
- Success isn't one big thing, its lots of little things that add up. Those successes are achieved as a team, not as individuals. When things go wrong, we take that as a team too, no blame, we respond to help each other improve
- If we became an influential team by leading as a team, and selling what we do to those outside of Quality, influence will be so much easier
Still learning, still making mistakes, still improving. But the principles have stuck 🙏
Gary Hawkes
Head of Engineering
He/Him
Software QA Lead and tester who loves to see people grow, processes continuously improve and help organisations understand and support Quality Engineering. Recently promoted to Head of Engineering (Jul 2026).
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