I see no bugs / The Fresh Prince of testing

Written in January 2018

In November 2017, I did a presentation at Leeds Tester Gathering. The talk was about how a test manager back in 2005 pitted testers and developers against each other by using bug counts as the metric. They were good for testers and bad for developers. This led to arguments about features, not in the requirements, etc., etc. Basically, the talk was a rant about attitude, human communication and language that led me to stop finding bugs and instead just describe behaviour.  For anyone who has seen my version of Rudyard Kipling’s famous poem If written as if he were a tester, you may already know I sometimes do strange things with others' great work.  

For the gathering, I was hoping to have a version of the Fresh Prince of Bel Air theme tune to close, but I simply didn’t finish it in time. So here, in all its glory, is my version of the theme telling the tale of my belief that as an entity, ‘bugs’ have no intrinsic value, are divisive and a hindrance to collaboration.  Controversial I know but that’s what I feel. There’s a link at the end if you want to have a go singing it! 

This is the story all about how
My life got flipped turned upside down
And I’d like to take a minute just sit right there
I’ll tell you why I don’t find bugs because there’s no value there

In West Yorkshire born and raised
Finding bugs was how I spent most of my days
Chilling out, maxing, relaxing all cool
Executing scripts as a general rule
When a test manager who was up to no good
Started making trouble in my neighbourhood
I was measured on bugs and the Devs were too
I could tell pretty quickly that we were all screwed

I whistled for a dev and when they came near
I told them about bugs, but it was like they didn’t hear
I wish I could say arguments were rare
But they were like mansions in the town of Bel Air

I pulled my hair out in chunks, and the Devs did too
All we did was argue, and the quality blew
Then I said eureka about bugs I don’t care
I’ll just describe the behaviour that I see there

So the arguments stopped, and the quality grew
The manager left coz he didn’t know what to do
Thanks for taking a minute and sitting right there
Now you know why I don’t find bugs
And why my boss doesn’t care. 

Instrumental if you want to sing along!
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_sh2zSencBc

Fresh Prince of Bel Air theme song (short version from the TV opening)
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3qHA366oRMs 

Ps. Talking about 'Bug', (the MoTaverse one) is perfectly fine